From our family to yours:)
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
Sunday, October 3, 2010
Summer Summary
Here is what your bathing suit looks like when you get a scary skin diagnosis. Underneath all that SPF 50 fabric full coverage suit is my uncertainty about the sun that loomed along with me all summer.
And here are the kids after they begged not to have to wear their long sleeve swim suits again. Ryan didn't get a say in it though.
We still thoroughly enjoyed our vacation...all those water ions are so, so good for the soul, even if you are completely covered in clothes while you swim.
So I decided to take my worries and my slides up to the city to have the smarties up at UCSF let me know what I needed to be doing to best take care of myself and they told me I was doing it: skin checks, minimize sun exposure blah, blah...AND they also told me the one thing that I most wanted to hear...the chance of the big m word that was honestly the most crippling fear was very little! As a matter of fact, their analysis is that it is very close to melanoma cytologically, but bottom line...IT IS NOT! I am blessed. Both to have had this twisted experience and really know what it feels like to really think about one's mortality, and to now have a not so scary diagnosis.
And here are the kids after they begged not to have to wear their long sleeve swim suits again. Ryan didn't get a say in it though.
We still thoroughly enjoyed our vacation...all those water ions are so, so good for the soul, even if you are completely covered in clothes while you swim.
So I decided to take my worries and my slides up to the city to have the smarties up at UCSF let me know what I needed to be doing to best take care of myself and they told me I was doing it: skin checks, minimize sun exposure blah, blah...AND they also told me the one thing that I most wanted to hear...the chance of the big m word that was honestly the most crippling fear was very little! As a matter of fact, their analysis is that it is very close to melanoma cytologically, but bottom line...IT IS NOT! I am blessed. Both to have had this twisted experience and really know what it feels like to really think about one's mortality, and to now have a not so scary diagnosis.
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
Stretching
Until last spring I completley took my body for granted. Stressed out about kids, babysitters, the house, carpooling, work (or deciding to give it up), money, everything was wound pretty tight because that is how it had to be to get things done, right? I'd skip meals and try to substitute with frappachinos. I'd rarely exercise besides a little bit of yoga to get the kinks out and then consider walking around my house, the grocery store, chasing kids, etc exercise too.
And then the whole mole thing of last spring hit me and I was made to see that all that was taking a toll on me.
And it was my responsibility to take care of myself better because so much depends on it.
I wish I could say that my committment to living a more pure, simple and healthy life was still as strong as it was in May, it's not...life creeps back in and so do those bad habits.
But the one thing that I am sticking with a bit more is Yoga.
It gets my kinks out. It makes me stronger. It makes me be quiet with myself, away from kids and the house, and just work on me.
It makes me see the truth. I cannot have a Coke and go to yoga and expect to feel good. If I skip breakfast and go in the the evening after I've ate other meals I'll still feel shakey just holding my arms over my head for a minute. If my mind is too pissed over something Rob and I are fighting about, or the car that cut me off on the way there, then there is no way I can balance. Truths that I otherwise can ignore, tuck away, repress are all right there letting me see how they effect me.
But when I run carrots through a juicer and drink that instead of Coke and frappuchinos, eat well, and go consistently I am so much happier. I feel good. My body wants to feel that way more. I want to eat better and feel turned off by just the thought of junk food. I deal with things better. Fewer people cut me off (or maybe it's the same amount but it just doesn't bother me as much).
My instructor is a beautiful 62 year old woman who is a true healer. She can see the body, the good and the bad, in such an amazing way. She is not psychic. She can just watch the way you move, how your strength (qi) is, and can tell what you are missing. She starts most of her classes with us sitting on the floor with our arms straight up over our heads and out backs in a straight line with our arms and we hold it for a minute or two. Circle our arms way back and do it again. It is amazing what you can learn about your energy, your tight spots, just doing that. Try it.
I struggled with going to her classes because I did not want to become dependent on them or her. I kept telling myself that I could get the same effects with doing yoga at home or walking aournd the neighborhood. But nothing makes me feel as good or keeps me as honest as her yoga.
I guess it is time to stop struggling and just do what I need to do for now.
(Oh, and by the way I pretty much suck at it so I don't have any pictures that I would admit too or post...at least not yet.)
And then the whole mole thing of last spring hit me and I was made to see that all that was taking a toll on me.
And it was my responsibility to take care of myself better because so much depends on it.
I wish I could say that my committment to living a more pure, simple and healthy life was still as strong as it was in May, it's not...life creeps back in and so do those bad habits.
But the one thing that I am sticking with a bit more is Yoga.
It gets my kinks out. It makes me stronger. It makes me be quiet with myself, away from kids and the house, and just work on me.
It makes me see the truth. I cannot have a Coke and go to yoga and expect to feel good. If I skip breakfast and go in the the evening after I've ate other meals I'll still feel shakey just holding my arms over my head for a minute. If my mind is too pissed over something Rob and I are fighting about, or the car that cut me off on the way there, then there is no way I can balance. Truths that I otherwise can ignore, tuck away, repress are all right there letting me see how they effect me.
But when I run carrots through a juicer and drink that instead of Coke and frappuchinos, eat well, and go consistently I am so much happier. I feel good. My body wants to feel that way more. I want to eat better and feel turned off by just the thought of junk food. I deal with things better. Fewer people cut me off (or maybe it's the same amount but it just doesn't bother me as much).
My instructor is a beautiful 62 year old woman who is a true healer. She can see the body, the good and the bad, in such an amazing way. She is not psychic. She can just watch the way you move, how your strength (qi) is, and can tell what you are missing. She starts most of her classes with us sitting on the floor with our arms straight up over our heads and out backs in a straight line with our arms and we hold it for a minute or two. Circle our arms way back and do it again. It is amazing what you can learn about your energy, your tight spots, just doing that. Try it.
I struggled with going to her classes because I did not want to become dependent on them or her. I kept telling myself that I could get the same effects with doing yoga at home or walking aournd the neighborhood. But nothing makes me feel as good or keeps me as honest as her yoga.
I guess it is time to stop struggling and just do what I need to do for now.
(Oh, and by the way I pretty much suck at it so I don't have any pictures that I would admit too or post...at least not yet.)
Saturday, June 5, 2010
Changes
Besides the remodeled bathrooms coming along quite well, albeit starting to drag on and on as these things always do, May brought along some big changes over here. For me.
So as not to create a rollercoaster, my whole reason for not talking/writing/telling you about this earlier was the hope that in one sentence I could say - all turned out fine. And I can say it now.
At the end of April I had a little brown mole removed on my hip (well it is really my a$$, but to salvage some pride I'm calling it my hip). It had popped up in the fall along that line where your underwear leg elastic rests. The same spot that bathing suit bottoms rub of sunscreen, or were hiked up for better tanning. You know, those days of those much sought after tan lines? I was young and grew up in Southern California, so bare with me. Anyway, after 6 months of noticing it when I'd pull up my underwear I decided to get it checked out. I had a dermatologist look at it and she said it looked unsuspicious and if she was a betting woman she'd put her money on it being totally fine. It was shaved off anyway and I didn't think about it.
Until 10 days later when I get a call from her that starts off "I am so shocked and sorry to have to tell you this..." Good thing we don't live in Vegas because it was so not "fine". Next comes words like seems invasive, margins positive, wide excision, more biopsies.
And then I went into full catastrophe overdrive and got the 102 degree fever flu for the next three days, any yes of course I was thinking that it wasn't the flu and signs of something awfully worse. But it was just the flu. Which made it so all doctors wouldn't see me for all those lovely procedures for 7-14 days when I wanted everything done pronto.
To make a long month short, all of the above was done and turned out fine. No evidence of anything left but normal skin! A bunch of over-precaution. It seems to be just a really bad little mole.
But it has been a really big eye opener for me.
I kind of didn't realize some of the bad habits and thought processes I was falling into. They kind of creep up on you and become a way of life before you know it.
So here I vow some things I am going to really work on:
Eating healthy real food. Don't we all start our resolutions this way? I am super sensitive to what I eat. Good and bad. And it is becoming more pronounced as I age. I also have the bad habit of not eating enough when there is nothing good in the house to eat so as to avoid feeling bad from eating the crap that is here. But alas, energy in = energy out and when I put nothing in, well, there is nothing good coming out. Ryan's low weight gain really should have made me see this earlier. His lack of interest in food is largely a reflection of seeing his mommy's bad eating habits. So I vow to stock my fridge and cupboards with healthy food and eat all day long. If it costs me $300 a week, well I'll find a way to curb the costs, but really this is the basics of healthy living here and we need some good basics. (Note, we are fairly healthy eaters already, I am just sometimes not good at consistently making sure that we are stocked with all the good stuff all the time)
Limit coffee and wine. These are not sustenance. I was starting to misuse them as such. I cannot drink coffee all morning and wine several nights a week. I was clearly starting to use their qualities to keep me up, then bring me down. I need real food, real energy, and real calm. I think these beverages can be used as tools, but not on a regular basis.
Exercise. No way around it. Minimum 3 times a week. I am not a cardio girl. It is just not right for my body. I can do some tougher yoga, or walk/run for short distances. Just no heavy wear-and-tear stuff cause my body wears-and-tears easily. But I need to be stronger. I need to get the kinks out. I need to boost my immune system. I need more energy. I need to do it for me and my family because I am a better person when I do. I wish I liked running more, there is a really cool group of moms that run every morning. But they do it at 5:45 AM, with headlights on. Crazy good women.
Life is good. The life I have is very good. And I want to live it for a long time to come. I was kind of falling into the doldrums of discontent and not knowing it. I was becoming too judgemental. I was not appreciating my family, my husband especially. Starting to take it all for granted. Boy did this shake me up. I have more appreciation for the daily things that I thought were just a pain in the neck. I re-read this and it seems like I am claiming some enlightenment and completely changed ways. It isn't that profound. Change is hard. But I am appreciating what I got.
Suncare. I need to develop some more solid ideas about this now. I cannot believe that all sun exposure is bad. Sun burns are bad. But that 15 minutes a day without any sunscreen for vitamin D conversion? Sounds valid. I have the hunch that sunscreens are not the total answer. They are chemicals after all. And the nano-minerals are also up for debate. I just cannot accept that slathering on daily could really be good for me. Shade? Sun clothes? Avoid the hours of 10-3. Yes and yes and yes? I don't know. Here is a website that I have referenced the past few years with some good sunscreen info. It is kind of complex so use the left sidebar "best sunscreens" or "find my sunscreen" options to make it easier:
http://www.ewg.org/2010sunscreen/9-surprising-facts-about-sunscreen/I
Healthcare. I was on the fence about a national healtcare plan. Now I have a pre-existing condition. If I catastrophize a few more steps, I can see how expensive health insurance could be for me and it's implications on our lives...over something that God-willing is taken care of and will never need any more medical attention.
Thank the Lord. I needed this. Now onto healing and making myself better.
Thanks for listening...I needed to get that off my chest somewhere.
If you have some experience with this I'd love to hear from you:)
So as not to create a rollercoaster, my whole reason for not talking/writing/telling you about this earlier was the hope that in one sentence I could say - all turned out fine. And I can say it now.
At the end of April I had a little brown mole removed on my hip (well it is really my a$$, but to salvage some pride I'm calling it my hip). It had popped up in the fall along that line where your underwear leg elastic rests. The same spot that bathing suit bottoms rub of sunscreen, or were hiked up for better tanning. You know, those days of those much sought after tan lines? I was young and grew up in Southern California, so bare with me. Anyway, after 6 months of noticing it when I'd pull up my underwear I decided to get it checked out. I had a dermatologist look at it and she said it looked unsuspicious and if she was a betting woman she'd put her money on it being totally fine. It was shaved off anyway and I didn't think about it.
Until 10 days later when I get a call from her that starts off "I am so shocked and sorry to have to tell you this..." Good thing we don't live in Vegas because it was so not "fine". Next comes words like seems invasive, margins positive, wide excision, more biopsies.
And then I went into full catastrophe overdrive and got the 102 degree fever flu for the next three days, any yes of course I was thinking that it wasn't the flu and signs of something awfully worse. But it was just the flu. Which made it so all doctors wouldn't see me for all those lovely procedures for 7-14 days when I wanted everything done pronto.
To make a long month short, all of the above was done and turned out fine. No evidence of anything left but normal skin! A bunch of over-precaution. It seems to be just a really bad little mole.
But it has been a really big eye opener for me.
I kind of didn't realize some of the bad habits and thought processes I was falling into. They kind of creep up on you and become a way of life before you know it.
So here I vow some things I am going to really work on:
Eating healthy real food. Don't we all start our resolutions this way? I am super sensitive to what I eat. Good and bad. And it is becoming more pronounced as I age. I also have the bad habit of not eating enough when there is nothing good in the house to eat so as to avoid feeling bad from eating the crap that is here. But alas, energy in = energy out and when I put nothing in, well, there is nothing good coming out. Ryan's low weight gain really should have made me see this earlier. His lack of interest in food is largely a reflection of seeing his mommy's bad eating habits. So I vow to stock my fridge and cupboards with healthy food and eat all day long. If it costs me $300 a week, well I'll find a way to curb the costs, but really this is the basics of healthy living here and we need some good basics. (Note, we are fairly healthy eaters already, I am just sometimes not good at consistently making sure that we are stocked with all the good stuff all the time)
Limit coffee and wine. These are not sustenance. I was starting to misuse them as such. I cannot drink coffee all morning and wine several nights a week. I was clearly starting to use their qualities to keep me up, then bring me down. I need real food, real energy, and real calm. I think these beverages can be used as tools, but not on a regular basis.
Exercise. No way around it. Minimum 3 times a week. I am not a cardio girl. It is just not right for my body. I can do some tougher yoga, or walk/run for short distances. Just no heavy wear-and-tear stuff cause my body wears-and-tears easily. But I need to be stronger. I need to get the kinks out. I need to boost my immune system. I need more energy. I need to do it for me and my family because I am a better person when I do. I wish I liked running more, there is a really cool group of moms that run every morning. But they do it at 5:45 AM, with headlights on. Crazy good women.
Life is good. The life I have is very good. And I want to live it for a long time to come. I was kind of falling into the doldrums of discontent and not knowing it. I was becoming too judgemental. I was not appreciating my family, my husband especially. Starting to take it all for granted. Boy did this shake me up. I have more appreciation for the daily things that I thought were just a pain in the neck. I re-read this and it seems like I am claiming some enlightenment and completely changed ways. It isn't that profound. Change is hard. But I am appreciating what I got.
Suncare. I need to develop some more solid ideas about this now. I cannot believe that all sun exposure is bad. Sun burns are bad. But that 15 minutes a day without any sunscreen for vitamin D conversion? Sounds valid. I have the hunch that sunscreens are not the total answer. They are chemicals after all. And the nano-minerals are also up for debate. I just cannot accept that slathering on daily could really be good for me. Shade? Sun clothes? Avoid the hours of 10-3. Yes and yes and yes? I don't know. Here is a website that I have referenced the past few years with some good sunscreen info. It is kind of complex so use the left sidebar "best sunscreens" or "find my sunscreen" options to make it easier:
http://www.ewg.org/2010sunscreen/9-surprising-facts-about-sunscreen/I
Healthcare. I was on the fence about a national healtcare plan. Now I have a pre-existing condition. If I catastrophize a few more steps, I can see how expensive health insurance could be for me and it's implications on our lives...over something that God-willing is taken care of and will never need any more medical attention.
Thank the Lord. I needed this. Now onto healing and making myself better.
Thanks for listening...I needed to get that off my chest somewhere.
If you have some experience with this I'd love to hear from you:)
Saturday, May 1, 2010
Wine With the Whitts.
It is blog party fundraising time again, and just as I said last year, every good party calls for some good wine!
This is for all who have wanted to share in a virtual glass of wine with Charley and Jessica Whitt and say thank you to them for sharing their beautiful daughter Tuesday with us. We on this side of the blog world get the virtual, but a real bottle of Clos La Chance wine will be sent to the Whitts with your name added to the gift card if you leave me a comment and donate to their organization Whatchagonnado.org which raises money to assist families dealing with pediatric cancer.
Click on the link above to learn more, donate via paypal, and to visit other blogs contributing to this fundraiser.
Cheers!
*Please note that your donation and comment will add your name and any well wishes you want to share on the card that will accompany a bottle of wine that will be sent to the Whitts. There is no random winner.
Sunday, April 18, 2010
Birthday complex
A couple of weeks ago we had a birthday party for Matt and Ryan. Matt's birthday was back in January but it is not easy to have a party in the winter. We had tried to pass off pizza with a couple of friends and a day of skiing on his actual birthday as his celebration which he seemed totally happy with at the time. Then a few weeks later he started asking "so ok when am I going to have my party?" I told him he already had. His class celebrated with mini cupcakes and we went skiing, remember? "No, my real party, like with friends and a jumpy house and a pokemon pinata". So we started talking about what it was he wanted. Now this drives Rob CRAZY. We have this habit of drawing out birthdays for weeks. The class party, celebrating on the actual bday, a party for local friends, a party for far away friends we may be visiting near a birthday. It is a tad bit crazy-making and overindulgent I admit. But...they are only kids once! Will we be doing this for the next 10 birthdays? No. But they are young now and this is fun.
So we waited for better weather and we rented a jumpy house, invited 10 friends (which ends up being 22 somehow) and had cake and Matt was as happy as could be.
And, to sweetin the deal, we combined Ryan's party with Matt's. Ryan thought it was way cool too. He thought all the kids were there for him when as a matter of fact only 2 were his age.
My littlest is 3 today. He still says he is a baby and I love that he loves being a baby. We did not have cake or even emphasize that it is his actual birthday because that would just be too confusing, right?!?
So see...I do not overindulge! And the moral of the story is avoid being the third born...the good stuff gets thin this far down the road.
So we waited for better weather and we rented a jumpy house, invited 10 friends (which ends up being 22 somehow) and had cake and Matt was as happy as could be.
And, to sweetin the deal, we combined Ryan's party with Matt's. Ryan thought it was way cool too. He thought all the kids were there for him when as a matter of fact only 2 were his age.
My littlest is 3 today. He still says he is a baby and I love that he loves being a baby. We did not have cake or even emphasize that it is his actual birthday because that would just be too confusing, right?!?
So see...I do not overindulge! And the moral of the story is avoid being the third born...the good stuff gets thin this far down the road.
Sunday, April 11, 2010
Groupies and remodels
It's been a while and I must admit that I am thinking about not continuing to write here because I am just not committed nor creative enough and quite frankly this takes a lot of time that I just can't seem to find. I'd rather read your blogs than write my own:)
Time is being sucked up by our bathroom remodels at the moment. I've dreamed and planned about fixing up our upstairs bathrooms for years. 5+ years to be exact since the kitchen remodel. Well ok, the kitchen remodel was 6+ years ago, but it took a good year to get our life back in shape after that. Fixing up the house just messes with me on a deep level. Brings out the worst in me. The contractor is here at 8am. The water is off during the day and you can imagine what that means. Ohhh, and the domino effect of what needs repair: Old pipes are corroded so we decided to re-pipe everything with copper which means the drywall is pulled to the studs here and there. The sewer line is clogged and rotting away and needs to be replaced (you know, those trenches you see dug from the street through ones front lawn, yeah, never a good sign). Many of the heater ducts in the crawl space have come apart and as the heater guy put it "your crawl space is warmer than your house", words that make an eco-conscious mama shutter. The boy scouts need a backyard to have their meeting, sure come on over, just stay clear of the exposed wires and gas lines boys. Ooyy vee.
I am happy to say, and I think Rob agrees, that so far my behavior is far better this time than last though. But it is not over yet, honey.
Then I just got an eager call from my friend, we'll call her Groupie cause she averages 4 concerts/tour, telling me to go to BonJovi.com to watch the first 4 songs of the TX concert. And all is much better. Last month I went with Groupie to see him in concert. Makes me feel like a teenager again. Don't we all need that sometimes? No worries about the cost of copper pipes back in those days. We met up with some stranger friends that we had met at a previous concert 2 years ago at which time we promised to meet at his next tour. Yes, we are in our 30's, what's your point? PA Groupie 1 and 2, and MN Groupie 1 and 2. Sooo much fun! I love making connections with people like that. It is kind of what keeps me here too, reading and writing, the coutrywide connection is really cool isn't it?
Time is being sucked up by our bathroom remodels at the moment. I've dreamed and planned about fixing up our upstairs bathrooms for years. 5+ years to be exact since the kitchen remodel. Well ok, the kitchen remodel was 6+ years ago, but it took a good year to get our life back in shape after that. Fixing up the house just messes with me on a deep level. Brings out the worst in me. The contractor is here at 8am. The water is off during the day and you can imagine what that means. Ohhh, and the domino effect of what needs repair: Old pipes are corroded so we decided to re-pipe everything with copper which means the drywall is pulled to the studs here and there. The sewer line is clogged and rotting away and needs to be replaced (you know, those trenches you see dug from the street through ones front lawn, yeah, never a good sign). Many of the heater ducts in the crawl space have come apart and as the heater guy put it "your crawl space is warmer than your house", words that make an eco-conscious mama shutter. The boy scouts need a backyard to have their meeting, sure come on over, just stay clear of the exposed wires and gas lines boys. Ooyy vee.
I am happy to say, and I think Rob agrees, that so far my behavior is far better this time than last though. But it is not over yet, honey.
Then I just got an eager call from my friend, we'll call her Groupie cause she averages 4 concerts/tour, telling me to go to BonJovi.com to watch the first 4 songs of the TX concert. And all is much better. Last month I went with Groupie to see him in concert. Makes me feel like a teenager again. Don't we all need that sometimes? No worries about the cost of copper pipes back in those days. We met up with some stranger friends that we had met at a previous concert 2 years ago at which time we promised to meet at his next tour. Yes, we are in our 30's, what's your point? PA Groupie 1 and 2, and MN Groupie 1 and 2. Sooo much fun! I love making connections with people like that. It is kind of what keeps me here too, reading and writing, the coutrywide connection is really cool isn't it?
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