Changes

Besides the remodeled bathrooms coming along quite well, albeit starting to drag on and on as these things always do, May brought along some big changes over here. For me.

So as not to create a rollercoaster, my whole reason for not talking/writing/telling you about this earlier was the hope that in one sentence I could say - all turned out fine. And I can say it now.

At the end of April I had a little brown mole removed on my hip (well it is really my a$$, but to salvage some pride I'm calling it my hip). It had popped up in the fall along that line where your underwear leg elastic rests. The same spot that bathing suit bottoms rub of sunscreen, or were hiked up for better tanning. You know, those days of those much sought after tan lines? I was young and grew up in Southern California, so bare with me. Anyway, after 6 months of noticing it when I'd pull up my underwear I decided to get it checked out. I had a dermatologist look at it and she said it looked unsuspicious and if she was a betting woman she'd put her money on it being totally fine. It was shaved off anyway and I didn't think about it.

Until 10 days later when I get a call from her that starts off "I am so shocked and sorry to have to tell you this..." Good thing we don't live in Vegas because it was so not "fine". Next comes words like seems invasive, margins positive, wide excision, more biopsies.

And then I went into full catastrophe overdrive and got the 102 degree fever flu for the next three days, any yes of course I was thinking that it wasn't the flu and signs of something awfully worse. But it was just the flu. Which made it so all doctors wouldn't see me for all those lovely procedures for 7-14 days when I wanted everything done pronto.

To make a long month short, all of the above was done and turned out fine. No evidence of anything left but normal skin! A bunch of over-precaution. It seems to be just a really bad little mole.

But it has been a really big eye opener for me.

I kind of didn't realize some of the bad habits and thought processes I was falling into. They kind of creep up on you and become a way of life before you know it.

So here I vow some things I am going to really work on:

Eating healthy real food. Don't we all start our resolutions this way? I am super sensitive to what I eat. Good and bad. And it is becoming more pronounced as I age. I also have the bad habit of not eating enough when there is nothing good in the house to eat so as to avoid feeling bad from eating the crap that is here. But alas, energy in = energy out and when I put nothing in, well, there is nothing good coming out. Ryan's low weight gain really should have made me see this earlier. His lack of interest in food is largely a reflection of seeing his mommy's bad eating habits. So I vow to stock my fridge and cupboards with healthy food and eat all day long. If it costs me $300 a week, well I'll find a way to curb the costs, but really this is the basics of healthy living here and we need some good basics. (Note, we are fairly healthy eaters already, I am just sometimes not good at consistently making sure that we are stocked with all the good stuff all the time)

Limit coffee and wine. These are not sustenance. I was starting to misuse them as such. I cannot drink coffee all morning and wine several nights a week. I was clearly starting to use their qualities to keep me up, then bring me down. I need real food, real energy, and real calm. I think these beverages can be used as tools, but not on a regular basis.


Exercise. No way around it. Minimum 3 times a week. I am not a cardio girl. It is just not right for my body. I can do some tougher yoga, or walk/run for short distances. Just no heavy wear-and-tear stuff cause my body wears-and-tears easily. But I need to be stronger. I need to get the kinks out. I need to boost my immune system. I need more energy. I need to do it for me and my family because I am a better person when I do. I wish I liked running more, there is a really cool group of moms that run every morning. But they do it at 5:45 AM, with headlights on. Crazy good women.

Life is good. The life I have is very good. And I want to live it for a long time to come. I was kind of falling into the doldrums of discontent and not knowing it. I was becoming too judgemental. I was not appreciating my family, my husband especially. Starting to take it all for granted. Boy did this shake me up. I have more appreciation for the daily things that I thought were just a pain in the neck. I re-read this and it seems like I am claiming some enlightenment and completely changed ways. It isn't that profound. Change is hard. But I am appreciating what I got.

Suncare. I need to develop some more solid ideas about this now. I cannot believe that all sun exposure is bad. Sun burns are bad. But that 15 minutes a day without any sunscreen for vitamin D conversion? Sounds valid. I have the hunch that sunscreens are not the total answer. They are chemicals after all. And the nano-minerals are also up for debate. I just cannot accept that slathering on daily could really be good for me. Shade? Sun clothes? Avoid the hours of 10-3. Yes and yes and yes? I don't know. Here is a website that I have referenced the past few years with some good sunscreen info. It is kind of complex so use the left sidebar "best sunscreens" or "find my sunscreen" options to make it easier:
http://www.ewg.org/2010sunscreen/9-surprising-facts-about-sunscreen/I

Healthcare. I was on the fence about a national healtcare plan. Now I have a pre-existing condition. If I catastrophize a few more steps, I can see how expensive health insurance could be for me and it's implications on our lives...over something that God-willing is taken care of and will never need any more medical attention.

Thank the Lord. I needed this. Now onto healing and making myself better.

Thanks for listening...I needed to get that off my chest somewhere.

If you have some experience with this I'd love to hear from you:)